14 Lies You Believed as an Irish Child

Rearing children in the days before Netflix and iPads was no easy feat. We love our parents and as we approach the age of reflection we realise how tricky satisfying the constant curiosity of children must have been without Google. However we were surprised at how universal the lies our parents told us were. Here are some of the most common.  

1. Carrots will give you night vision

To this day we cannot eat nor look at a carrot without tasting deceit. Not only did carrots fail horrifically to provide night vision, they did little to prevent natural decay in eyesight. Thoughts go out to the spectacle-wearing children who feasted on the root in the hope of infrared vision.  

2. The Man will take you away / The Police Man will take you away

The threat of bold children being imprisoned or kidnapped constantly loomed over our heads. Even the slightest whimper was met with the promise of abduction. Sound.  

3. [Insert pet name here] went to live on the farm

As heart-breaking as it is deceiving, we still choose to believe that somewhere in Ireland there’s a massive farm housing the much loved pets of yesteryear.  

4. Dad is gone to talk to a man about a dog

Never made much sense why Dad would head off to talk to a man about a dog on a Friday evening. Made even less sense that no dog ever arrived and yet our hopes soared every time we heard this one.  

5. Picking dandelions makes you wet the bed

In fairness, for most this became a self-fulfilling prophecy. In actual fact there’s no scientific evidence to suggest that picking dandelions directly influences nighttime wee patterns.  

6. Eating your crusts will give you curly hair/put hairs on your chest

Another food fable that filled young girls and boys with false hope.  

7. If the wind changes your face will freeze that way

This was the standard way to conclude all sibling arguments and shut down sour faces nationwide. Each pulled funny face was done secretly in a sheltered area.   8. We’ll see. Did that ever mean anything other than a polite but firm no.  

9. Your tongue is black, you’re lying

This one was totally and utterly fear inducing. Though, on the few occasions you got away with it the thrill was like no other.  

10. A little birdy told me

This phrase often preluded a secret you’d tried desperately to keep hidden. It’s still baffling how mammy did in fact know everything.  

11. Watching food cook in the microwave will give you radiation poisoning

Whatever magical futuristic beams made your popcorn pop would simultaneously fry your brain/eyesight/senses if you looked directly at them. We still squint through the door in anticipation of disaster.  

12. Chewing gum will stick to your bones

Apparently, chewing gum was the one food that would fail to exit your body and would actually stick to your skeleton for an estimated period of seven years.  

13. The air from a pump will give you warts

This surprisingly universal threat still leaves us bewildered.  

14. It’s a fairy fort

Abandoned buildings, hollowed trees, crop circles – basically any spooky looking dwelling was deemed to a place where fairies lived.   If there's anything you believed that we've missed, tweet us to let us know @Herdotie or Snap us Her.ie.